Parenting Books

There must be thousands of parenting books. Maybe more. In my humble 9 years as a parent I've found 2 that I like. I've read plenty more but most are not worthy of mentioning.

One book has come up in conversation with friends over and over. It is To Train Up a Child by the Ezzo's. When I was pregnant with my first child a lady at church gave me that book since the authors are Christians and her sister recommended it. I was very excited. The teacher in me saw a book with a schedule to follow and promised Voila! that my daughter would eat at certain times, take naps at certain times, and sleep through the night by 12 weeks. I think it's the only book I've read cover to cover more than once.

So my Sasa was born. I followed the book to a T. Well... 2 months later she was NOT eating as much as they said she would. This stressed me out terribly. She was NOT napping like they said she would and she certainly was NOT sleeping at night like they said she would. I felt like the most unqualified person to be a mother that ever existed! Plus I was completely exhausted and my nerves were shattered. Other moms suggested blankies and pacifiers but THE BOOK was adamantly opposed and put the fear of God into you that your child would turn out wrong.

So what went wrong?

I asked myself that question over and over and over and over and ... well, you get the idea. I only fed her every 3 hours and let her cry in between if she woke up early from her nap. That's what THE BOOK said to do. You certainly should not feed her early. When she nursed I'd have to stop and undress her because she'd fall asleep and THAT WAS NOT ALLOWED. I even would run a damp cloth over her naked little body (except for the diaper) to try and get her to wake up and eat. Sasa seemed want to suck just for the sake of sucking but, according to THE BOOK, pacifiers were a big No No. Then when it was supposed to be nap time I was NOT allowed, again according to THE BOOK, to rock my sweet girl to sleep. I was to just lay her down and let her cry if she needed to. I could go in and pat her I think... I don't remember. But I believe crying for up to 45 minutes was OK, according to THE BOOK. I couldn't stand to listen to her cry that long during the day - never mind at night! One other thing - babies are NEVER allowed in Mommy's bed.

That's just a bit of what I was going through. The teacher in me loved the idea of a 3 hour schedule being a feeding, awake/play time, then nap time, then repeating. Maybe there was some flexibliity in there that I missed and maybe you think I should have known better... but when you're hardly sleeping and absolutely cannot think straight (since all you want is some peace, quiet, and sleep) all logic flies out the window.

Finally after 5 months I figured it out!!!

SASA DIDN'T READ THE BOOK!!!

She didn't know what she was supposed to be doing! Ha ha! Finally I did end up giving her a blankie, a pacifier AND I rocked her to sleep for a few minutes before naps and bedtime. Those were very peaceful and enjoyable moments for me and I'd imagine for her too. I'm glad I wasn't robbed of them with my other 2 children. Being a first time Mom went much better after that.

Needless to say the Ezzo's book, To Train Up a Child, went in the fireplace! I had such a bad experience with it that I couldn't even donate it to the library for fear that it would affect another Mom the way it did me.

To give the Ezzo's some credit though, I did read their next book for older children, ages 3-7 or something. I did think their suggestions and advice was good there. I don't remember any of it now- but I remember that I liked it. Maybe I'll go look in my pile of parenting books just to have a quick read of it again.

Now, as for the parenting books I like... No, let me rephrase that. These are the parenting books I LOVE! Every time one of my friends has a baby I recommend The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. She's been a nanny for years, longer than I've been a mom and then some. One of the things I like the most is that she classifies babies into different personality groups and then makes several suggestions based on those personalities on how to deal with specific issues. She never says you MUST NOT do this or that. I finally found this book just before having my last child, Bam Bam. This book saved my sanity and worked like a charm. There was some crying involved here and there that she says is OK but not like THE BOOK. She too suggests a routine but not as rigid as THE BOOK. Anyway, I LOVE this book so much that I would possibly have another child just to follow her advice. I felt like I had my own private nurse giving me useful and doable advice, and also felt encouraged along the way.

The other book I really like for older children (ages 3+) is called Family Building-The 5 Fundamentals of Effective Parenting by John Rosemond. I really like the way this guy thinks and love his ideas for discipline and teaching children that the world does not revolve around them. Too many children I see today are so disrespectful and rude. They seem to think that everyone owes them something but they don't need to lift a finger. I could go on and on about this - but I won't.

Another book I'm reading now is Boundaries With Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. So far I really like it.

One thing I know is that parenting is hard. There is no Parenting for Dummies, although I wish there was. All I can really do is pray for God's grace and guidance each day. Talking with others who have some experience in this matter of child raising is a real blessing to me. Hearing my friends have crazy, tear out my hair moments, helps too! As crazy as it gets, I still really am enjoying the journey... and pencil writing on the wall, and marker stains on the couch, and clocks taken apart, etc...

Banning Plastic Toys

It is the last day of the year. I don't normally make New Year's Resolutions but I am going to. RIght now! I WILL NOT BUY any more plastic toys for my children. Why you ask? Well, make yourself comfortable. This story might take a while.

One busy day before Christmas, actually the day after I returned from a visit to Canada, MacGyver and I went on a Christmas shopping date. I presonally think he went shopping with me because he really missed me, otherwise he never would have agreed to it. PLUS he took me out for lunch AND got me a new and improved cell phone. Yip! He must have really missed me!

So anyway, ran a couple more errands and then bought Bam Bam a remote control car at Target for $12. He told everyone who asked that we wanted a remote control car and an electric guitar. The electric guitar is out of the question - at least until he's 12. I told him this and now he says he gets an electric guitar when he's 20. The number 20 is really important to him. More so than 12... he'll learn.

Bam Bam's birthday is really close to Christmas so he got 2 loads of gifts They were really great gifts too.He got an Armor of God uniform, a gun that shoots nerf darts quickly (like a semi-automatic weapon) and suctions to things, and several little cars from his sisters (who love finding cars at Thrift Stores), and a Hunter Guy with a rifle. He was very happy about his gifts. UNTIL... over the next 6 days we had mucho company. Some had big boys (in their 20's) and some had younger boys (early teens) but they were all LITTLE BOYS AT HEART! The gun got a workout. Then it stopped working. The big boy took it apart, and then put it back together, but that didn't fix it. The Sheild of Faith apparently was a hit - that is until half of the handles on the back got torn off. And the Hunter Guy with the rifle. Well, have a look for yourself...



Apparently our dog also like that toy.

Oh, and the remote control car. It did half of what it said it would. I DID go forward and right. It just DID NOT go backward - or left.

I'm sure you can understand that MacGyver felt bad for his son, so they loaded up the truck and went into town. He returned the car to Target and went to Walmart (just a couple days after Christmas - I was glad it was him and not me!). We both try to avoid Walmart, especially MacGyver, so I knew he REALLY felt bad. He bought Bam Bam a new gun that's much smaller and only shoots 3 nerf bullets that stick. But - it has a really cool laser light that shines right before you pull the trigger. A much better design. The best thing about it though - it still works! Also, he bought a remote control 4-wheeler. When they returned home we ripped open the box, plugged in the batteries and ta-da! It worked. It worked going forward, backward, left and right. It worked for about 5 minutes!!! THEN IT WOULDN"T GO FORWARD ANYMORE!!!

So Bam Bam just walked away, sadly. We all know it's just a material thing and we teach our children that material things don't matter as much as being kind and finding ways to serve others. I must confess that I was not having 'kind' thoughts about Walmart or the maker of the 4-wheeler! Poor Bam Bam! I hated seeing him so sad. It would be better to get no toys than have them all break and stop working shortly after getting them. It reminded me of a short movie I watched called Story of Stuff. You should check it out at www.storyofstuff.com. It made me realize just how much junk we accumulate that doesn't last 6 months in our house and just fills the land fill.

I was planning to return the 4-wheeler. Until Buddy took care of it for me...



Notice the handle bar and side fender...

Sigh, now you can understand why I say, "No More Plastic Toys!"

Cookies Anyone?

I decided that I wouldn't worry about what I ate over the holidays and enjoy every - sweet - bite. So I had a couple cookies here and there, and a second helping of turkey, my mother in law's awesome cranberry salad (reallly more like dessert), and cousin Janna's strawberry cheesecake. YUMMY! Then Bam Bam comes up to me in the kitchen the next day, swipes a cookie, and with a very serious expression says:

Bam Bam: "Mommy, I'm gonna have a fat butt!"

Me: "Oh really? What makes you think that?"

Bam Bam speaking very matter-of-factly: "Because when you eat lots of cookies you get a fat butt."

Me: "And where did you learn that my dear?"

Bam Bam: "Betty Sue told me."

Betty Sue is his surrogate Grandma and we just visited her last month.

He remeberred this from last month!!!

OK then! Spoken from the mouth of a babe. It made me think twice about the cookie I was about to grab for... But then I ate it anyway!

Next Best Thing to Rome

My head is swimming right now. It's 11:08 PM and I should be sleeping. But I can't. Not when my head is swimming with recipes. You see, the past 4 days have been filled with Christmas parties, planning what to bring (food wise and gift wise), and grocery shopping. Oh yes, and the orthodontist appointments... I'll have to share about that later.

Now I find myself with a FREE schedule for the next 3 days!!! It almost didn't end up that way. MacGyver is going to Rome, Italy tomorrow and coming back Wednesday. I was going with him until 2 hours ago - until I decided that it would be too busy to leave the children and house just before Christmas. Also, we wouldn't return until 6 PM Wednesday, which is precisely the time SaSa must be at church to be an angel usher for the Christmas Eve service. Oh, and also to practice playing the handbells with KK and two other girls from church. I also should prepare the house for next weekend when we have a family reunion and are hosting 10 of the family here... and wash the dirty laundry. So I guess I'm not completely free the next 3 days... But mostly...

So I've spent the last hour on Mama JJ's cooking blog links. I am SOOOO INSPIRED! If it wasn't so late I believe I'd start cooking and baking right now! Have you seen her sourdough bread? You must have a look. Try www.mamasminutia.blogspot.com. I actually tasted one of those sourdough buns - it was like eating a bite of heaven! I plan to learn to make that in 2009. It'll be my 'branching out with bread' recipe. All I make right now is Oatmeal Bread, which is our family favorite. But I think it's wise to shake things up every now and again - don't you!?

I've decided over the next three days I MUST make Peppermint Bark (I can just taste it from seeing the picture on Orangette's blog). I thought I was done with sweets after the butter cookies I made last week. They were a new recipe for me and oh. Oh my! They were soooo gooood - I ate 7 in one afternoon! I decided right then and there that I wouldn't make anything else that was so delicious and tempting to eat. I packaged up those butter cookies and banished them to the freezer. Hah! I thought I had temptation beat - but it turns out we've had to take a couple out hear and there... just for a nibble. I believe there are - oh - about 7 cookies left. I might have to make some more...

Tomorrow I plan to bake foccacia bread topped with tomatoes and goat cheese along with fried goat cheese (which has some fancy name I can't pronounce from a blog name I'll have to look up again). Can you tell I have goat cheese in my fridge right now? I need to eat it up because I discovered some incredible, melt in your mouth, Olive Garden saucy tasting cheese at a Christmas Party yesterday. It's from Costco! Which means I can have it just as soon as I drive there. But... I can't justify buying more cheese until I use up what I have.

Now do you understand why I'm so excited that I can't sleep? I have 3 days to try new recipes. Make new melt-in-my-mouth sweet things to taste and banish to the freezer. And to eat a fair bit of goat cheese. No more Christmas parties to think of - although they were all really fun. No homeschooling for the next 2 weeks. No orthodontist appointments to determine how we build our day.

I feel like I've just been given a day at the spa!

Oh, and MacGyver is going to bring back some pasta and olive tapinade from Italy for me. I don't know if it'll be any better than what we can buy here but it sure is exciting to think of!

Precious Moments

Bam Bam had been very interested in heaven lately. We had a short discussion on the way to preschool yesterday about Jesus. Often I wonder if he's listening or understands what I say. Today, as we were driving to a friends house, I learned he was listening and does understand... a little bit anyway!

Bam Bam, "Sasa, did you know dat, um, dat if you ask Jesus to come help you - a whittle piece of him comes and lives in your hawt (heart)?"

Sasa: "Where did you learn that Bam Bam?"

Bam Bam: "Mommy told me."

Mommy: "Bam Bam, did you ask Jesus to come live in your heart yet?"

Bam Bam: "No... but I'm going to wite now"

He mumbles to himself a bit, then I asked him if he wanted me to help him. He said, "Yes." So he repeated after me asking Jesus to help him everyday, and forgive his sins, and live in his heart forever. Although he doesn't understand the true meaning of what he said it makes my heart burst with joy!

Then I asked him: "Do you know what sins are Bam Bam?"

Bam Bam: "No..." Well, at least he gets part of it.

I was so excited that he could understand that Jesus helps us and lives in us. Then, I explained as simply as I could what sins were and wondered if he understood. Already after supper this was our conversation.

Bam Bam sitting on the kitchen floor eating a cookie: "Mommy, I have a sewpwise for you!"

Mommy: " Oh good, I love surprises. What is it?"

Bam Bam: "My sewpwise is I'm gonna try to be kind and share!" Then I get this giant smile!


The picture is from last summer but the smile is the same...

Now doesn't that just melt your heart? What a precious little boy!

Friends

Sigh! Did you hear it... listen... S I G H ! That was a heartfelt, happy sigh of thankfullness. How do women survive without other women friends? I just don't know. My friends bless me every day - I couldn't make it through life without them. Why do I love my friends so much? You're wondering aren't you? For one thing my husband is away for work every so often and it's nice to know there's someone who will help me out of a pinch at any time of day and night. Plus I do like to talk. Being connected to other people as a homeschool mom is necesary to my sanity. Believe it or not, my friends like to talk too! And usually longer than my husband. Though I do have to give him credit. He's my best friend and a pretty good listener. Unfortunately his testosterone and my estrogen don't always have us on the same wave length. He can't always relate to what I'm feeling or thinking (and vice versa). And for some reason homeschool curriculum choices, chore charts, and planning play dates just aren't his thing.

Back to my friends.

Having good friends also means I can forget my age and responsibilites once in a while and just be silly. Or watch a chick flick and have a good laugh or cry together. I have to admit I love going to the movies. The best one I've seen lately is Mamma Mia. Musicals are my favorite... but it's really hard not to just sing out the songs with all the enthusiasm inside me when I feel inspired to join in. I haven't actually done that - but if I did my friends (at least some of them) would join in with me, or just sit there and grin. That's the kind of friends I have. :)

A major bonus is that we all have children and most of the time they play really well together. They stay so occupied that us Mom's get large chunks of undisturbed time (atleast a half hour - sometimes more). That's worth it's weight in gold. I KNOW you KNOW what I mean. I think they stay out of our way on purpose. It's like they think "If we don't bother her she'll forget we are here and we won't have to leave as soon."

Today was a BIG TREAT! My children were with 2 of my friends and their children for three and a half hours. Without me! I had peace. The kind of peace where there are no other sounds except the ones you make yourself. And it was daylight so there were many options as to what to do during this FREE TIME. I had all kinds of ideas... go for a bike ride (it was around freezing temperatures but no snow), run errands in town (get some ideas for Christmas gifts), clean my house, nap, blog, play piano, sew the rip in MacGyvers pants, or do the many little projects that got left undone at some point in the last 6 months.

Wanna know what I did? Well I planned to go for a bike ride. I dropped off the children and came home with all intentions of gearing up for a bike ride. But then something happened... I sat down in my very quiet and peaceful house and simply sighed. IT IS SO NICE TO BE ALONE IN THE HOUSE! I felt a giddy sense of freedom. I couldn't bring myself to leave. So I did a couple little chores and then gave myself permission to get lost in my piano. For you music lovers out there you can understand what a gift that uninterupted time is. I probably had an hour of just playing whatever I wanted with no little hands 'helping me make the song prettier.' No one called "Mommy!' or said, "I'm hungry!" It was just me and the piano. SIGH!

Later though, I did go to the "not so quiet" house were the moms and ALL the children were. But by then I was ready. I actually missed them a little bit. I think it was a whole four and a half minutes before one of my children noticed me and said, "Mommy, I'm hungry." Music to my ears. It was a wonderful day. I might have to do it again soon. :)

Soup To Feed My Soul

It's my turn to catch a cold. The kind that makes you tired and unmotivated, gives you a stuffy head, and a sore throat. YUCK! Nothing other than school has been done (and I think we "forgot" to do some things in my tiredness). I don't keep the children on task as well when all I want to do is cuddle up under a blanket with a cup of tea and read until I drift off to sleep.

But we now have 5 loads of laundry to fold and put away. The house desperately needs a vaccum, the bathrooms need cleaning, and the kids room needs to be cleaned up! Whew, I need a nap just thinking about it! MacGyver comes home from work tonight and I like to have the house picked up... but not this time. We might just make a path to walk through...

I did manage one good thing however - Winter Greens Soup with Chickpeas! Ummm... if the antioxidants in this soup don't heal me I don't know what will! This is the second time I've made it and it's even better than the first. Now you should know, I did not grow up eating collard greens and chickpeas, but I have wonderful friends and in-laws who have introduced me to such fine foods as these. The pictures helped convince me to make it too. This is from the blog Wednesday's Chef. Thank you to her!

Soup Directions:

First you saute the carrots, celery, and onion until it's a golden brown color and very aromatic, about 20 minutes. Next add 4 cloves of minced garlic. Stir until fragrant, 2 or 3 minutes.

Add the mixed greens, one big handful at a time. Stir and allow the greens to soften and shrink before you add the next handful.



Now add 8 cups water, 1/2 tsp salt, the rosemary and the chickpeas. You can add the rind of a Parmesan cheese if you have one around. Bring this to a simmer over medium-high heat, then cover and decrease temperature to simmer until the broth is deeply flavored, about 45 minutes to one hour.



When your ready to serve, stir in 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese and season with salt and pepper. Place 2 slices of toast (rubbed with garlic) in the bottom of each soup bowl and ladle the soup over top. Sprinkle with more parmesan as you like. Enjoy!!

Winter Green Soup with Chickpeas

1/4 cup olive oil
2 carrots, diced
1 stalk celery, diced
1 onion, diced
1 turnip, diced (I didn't use one since I didn't have one.)
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 pound chopped mixed greens (mustard, kale, turnip, etc.)
Salt
1/2 teaspoon minced rosemary
1 (16 ounce) can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, or more, to pass at the table ( I used fresh Parmesan)
16 slices baguette, toasted, or whatever bread you have
Freshly ground pepper (one option is red pepper flakes)

Off to the Fire Station

I finally bit the bullet and put Bam Bam in preschool. I thought the girls and I would do school and he would sit with us and quietly color or do puzzles or whatever other activities I had scheduled. But NO! He wanted to cut and paste WITH MOMMY, then do flashcards WITH MOMMY, and then do puzzles and read WITH MOMMY!! Do you see the trend here? Now don't get me wrong... I love doing all those things with him - just not while I'm teaching his sisters. When daddy is home it works out well. First they shoot Bam Bam's BB Gun (thanks to Grandpa Doug who bought it for him when he was born!!) and then they FIX things in the garage. I've actually went into the garage and both of them are UNDER the truck or car doing whatever it is that needs to be done. It's priceless really!

Too bad Daddy can't be home every morning when we do school! So we decided pre-school was the way to go and started last week. PRAISE GOD FOR PRESCHOOL!! I love that Bam Bam's doing all the things he loves. Ms. Debbie (his teacher) said he's the most enthusiastic little boy there, especially with the crafts. They made a building with paper fire coming out of it last week and he kept saying, "I love this! This is awesome!" I also love that I get 2 uninterupted hours of school time with the girls - we are having so much fun learning about George Washington and the Declaration of Independance. Who knew history could be so much fun!














So today was the trip to the fire station. I think Mac Jr. was a little scared of the fire chief dressed up in her 96 lbs. of equipment. He didn't let go of my hand or sweater the entire time. Though, I did manage to pry him away long enough to sit in the fire truck. We had a great time.

FLOURISH

2 weeks... that's how long I've wanted my own blog. Over the past 2 weeks I've had SO MUCH I wanted to write about - making applesauce, biking 20 miles on a Sunday afternoon, and even rediscovering my natural haircolor (it's been 19 years of highlights) thanks to MacGyver's enthusiastic persuasion. How is it that he is almost always right!? Are your husbands that way too? It's a good thing I've started listening, and occasionally following, his advice. It has proved to be rewarding. Anyway, all those exciting things don't seem quite as exciting anymore, so they'll just have to be happy memories.

Let's begin with last weekend. FLOURISH is the name of the ladies retreat I attended with friends from a different church. This time of year is not my "flourishing" time. I think the changing season affects me more each year. It's more the feeling of wanting to give up the responsiblility of the everyday, boring, hard things (like teaching my - oops! I mean OUR children. He does remind me that they are OUR children and will probably read this at some point). I'd prefer to just hike, bike, try new ethnic recipes, and bake banana chocolate chip muffins. Ooooo, by the way they are soooo delicious! My children have NO idea that they're made with whole wheat four and flax seed. It's one of the first times something that healthy REALLY IS that good. I'll make them sometime and post the recipe...

Anyway, our speaker was a bright, passionate lady from England who wanted to push us out of our comfort zone and make us squirm. She told us so! Well, she was the best speaker I've ever heard! Or maybe God just knew this weekend she had to say what I needed to hear. She spoke about how the Lord created us to Flourish and referred to the passage on faith, hope, and love. Each session she focused on what keeps us from hope, then on faith, and then on love. She then taught us God's promises referring to each one and to 'have courage' to claim those promises for ourselves and our families. Well, it connected for me - in both my heart and my head. It's always hard to take a weekend like that along with what I've learned and merge it with my life's reality. But I'm up to the challenge! Im looking forward to it at this point.! I do feel like I've been set free from the duldrums of my boring life this past month, or so I felt then. Those boring everyday things have a whole new wonderful and exciting meaning now. I feel it from the top of my head to the tip of my toes! It must show because my KK came up and hugged me just out of the blue today. You'll learn that she's pretty reserved with being the first to offer physical affection. I felt priveleged!

Playing with the blog

trying to figure out how the pictures work