Parenting Books

There must be thousands of parenting books. Maybe more. In my humble 9 years as a parent I've found 2 that I like. I've read plenty more but most are not worthy of mentioning.

One book has come up in conversation with friends over and over. It is To Train Up a Child by the Ezzo's. When I was pregnant with my first child a lady at church gave me that book since the authors are Christians and her sister recommended it. I was very excited. The teacher in me saw a book with a schedule to follow and promised Voila! that my daughter would eat at certain times, take naps at certain times, and sleep through the night by 12 weeks. I think it's the only book I've read cover to cover more than once.

So my Sasa was born. I followed the book to a T. Well... 2 months later she was NOT eating as much as they said she would. This stressed me out terribly. She was NOT napping like they said she would and she certainly was NOT sleeping at night like they said she would. I felt like the most unqualified person to be a mother that ever existed! Plus I was completely exhausted and my nerves were shattered. Other moms suggested blankies and pacifiers but THE BOOK was adamantly opposed and put the fear of God into you that your child would turn out wrong.

So what went wrong?

I asked myself that question over and over and over and over and ... well, you get the idea. I only fed her every 3 hours and let her cry in between if she woke up early from her nap. That's what THE BOOK said to do. You certainly should not feed her early. When she nursed I'd have to stop and undress her because she'd fall asleep and THAT WAS NOT ALLOWED. I even would run a damp cloth over her naked little body (except for the diaper) to try and get her to wake up and eat. Sasa seemed want to suck just for the sake of sucking but, according to THE BOOK, pacifiers were a big No No. Then when it was supposed to be nap time I was NOT allowed, again according to THE BOOK, to rock my sweet girl to sleep. I was to just lay her down and let her cry if she needed to. I could go in and pat her I think... I don't remember. But I believe crying for up to 45 minutes was OK, according to THE BOOK. I couldn't stand to listen to her cry that long during the day - never mind at night! One other thing - babies are NEVER allowed in Mommy's bed.

That's just a bit of what I was going through. The teacher in me loved the idea of a 3 hour schedule being a feeding, awake/play time, then nap time, then repeating. Maybe there was some flexibliity in there that I missed and maybe you think I should have known better... but when you're hardly sleeping and absolutely cannot think straight (since all you want is some peace, quiet, and sleep) all logic flies out the window.

Finally after 5 months I figured it out!!!

SASA DIDN'T READ THE BOOK!!!

She didn't know what she was supposed to be doing! Ha ha! Finally I did end up giving her a blankie, a pacifier AND I rocked her to sleep for a few minutes before naps and bedtime. Those were very peaceful and enjoyable moments for me and I'd imagine for her too. I'm glad I wasn't robbed of them with my other 2 children. Being a first time Mom went much better after that.

Needless to say the Ezzo's book, To Train Up a Child, went in the fireplace! I had such a bad experience with it that I couldn't even donate it to the library for fear that it would affect another Mom the way it did me.

To give the Ezzo's some credit though, I did read their next book for older children, ages 3-7 or something. I did think their suggestions and advice was good there. I don't remember any of it now- but I remember that I liked it. Maybe I'll go look in my pile of parenting books just to have a quick read of it again.

Now, as for the parenting books I like... No, let me rephrase that. These are the parenting books I LOVE! Every time one of my friends has a baby I recommend The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. She's been a nanny for years, longer than I've been a mom and then some. One of the things I like the most is that she classifies babies into different personality groups and then makes several suggestions based on those personalities on how to deal with specific issues. She never says you MUST NOT do this or that. I finally found this book just before having my last child, Bam Bam. This book saved my sanity and worked like a charm. There was some crying involved here and there that she says is OK but not like THE BOOK. She too suggests a routine but not as rigid as THE BOOK. Anyway, I LOVE this book so much that I would possibly have another child just to follow her advice. I felt like I had my own private nurse giving me useful and doable advice, and also felt encouraged along the way.

The other book I really like for older children (ages 3+) is called Family Building-The 5 Fundamentals of Effective Parenting by John Rosemond. I really like the way this guy thinks and love his ideas for discipline and teaching children that the world does not revolve around them. Too many children I see today are so disrespectful and rude. They seem to think that everyone owes them something but they don't need to lift a finger. I could go on and on about this - but I won't.

Another book I'm reading now is Boundaries With Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. So far I really like it.

One thing I know is that parenting is hard. There is no Parenting for Dummies, although I wish there was. All I can really do is pray for God's grace and guidance each day. Talking with others who have some experience in this matter of child raising is a real blessing to me. Hearing my friends have crazy, tear out my hair moments, helps too! As crazy as it gets, I still really am enjoying the journey... and pencil writing on the wall, and marker stains on the couch, and clocks taken apart, etc...